Popular Posts

Friday, November 25, 2011

Rob Pattinson Needs A Paparazzi Strategy

All paparazzi photos courtesy of http://www.robsessedpattinson.com/2011/11/new-pictures-of-robert-pattinson-and.html
 Kristen and Rob in London over Thanksgiving. What a nice Thanksgiving paparazzi present to give them by posting their fear, anger, consternation, sadness at this recent stalking, car chasing, an violation of their privacy. Do they stalk Ashley Greene like this? Or Jason Rathbone? Or Kellan Lutz? Not like this. Why not? No big fuck bucks for pics. Ahhhhhhhh.

So one of his fan sites, one of the most popular, most devoted, one that gets millions of hits, posts not one or two but all fucking 943 1/2 of them! Now that's true love, ain't it! We just love this boy/man. We want to know everything about him, his every move, his every thought, every book he reads, every script he is considering, every, every, every...........well, even the slush minded get it. 

Protesting, boycotting, complaining, scolding and all that stuff will do no good. 

It's hits the site is after. The more hits the higher the commissions you get from the click throughs. Did you get that? Let me say it differently. Google clicks are statistically calculated on numbers of views a site gets. When the numbers get over a certain point, the percentages of commissions on a click-through sale increase. So if you click on a Rob Pattinson DVD on that site and it goes to Amazon, the site gets money as in $$$$$$. The more click throughs, the more chances you will get a click through that leads to a sale. But you also get money for each click to Amazon. 

So how do you increase the hits? Put up vanilla pics? Or.............controversial ones? Controversial ones invite lots of pro/con comments. Comments are hits. Each one. Lots of hits are generated this way. The problem is that when things get too hot a flame war starts. The site needs regular people to police for them. The regulars are the pit bulls for the site. Like the criminals in the Gulag who policed and terrorized the political prisoners who were lifers or close to lifers, as opposed to the shorter sentences for the criminals. So regulars are necessary for free policing. Flame wars drive regulars away, so you see it's a fine line to placate the regulars and increase the hits. Too much to one side reduces sales and too much ranting reduces sales. Newbies are needed for sales but they are not as reliable as regulars. They are the ones who will buy as new Rob obsessed fans, but with these new ones come new ones dressed as trolls, who will inflame and make the site unpleasant for the regulars.

So be clear as to your function on a site. You are simply free labor. You allow the administrators to enjoy themselves more and police less. Not that there's anything wrong with that, to quote Seinfeld. But do not expect the site to be a fan site for Rob purely for their own devotion and pleasure. There are sites that do do that, Rose at pattinsonintoxication, for example. Her motives are different from money, but she has them.

Now I also pimp Rob. I use Twilight, the books, the films, the irruption to read post modern thinking through them. I am about post modern thinking, guerrilla thinking, in all the ways one can imagine thinking guerrilla.

My guerrilla advice to Rob: You need a strategy for dealing with the papps. Papps are just grown up bullies from the playground who have expensive cameras and who make a living our of being bullies. Every kid picked on in the playground has to learn to deal with this as long as s/he stays in school. The intention is to torture and terrorize you. Just for fun. Just because they can do it. With papps it is for $$$$. The more you are tortured by them and reveal it, the more they are going to do it to you. This is why you need a strategy. You cannot depend on your fans. Just like the child on the school playground cannot depend on his/her parents. 

The strategy cannot be pleading with them to stop, not threatening them because they know you can't go too far to really hurt them. Nothing within the dialectical Dominating Discourse will work. As any child on the playground knows. Telling the police or the teacher does not work either. What to do.

JUDO them. Use their strengths against them. 

Ideas: Kutcher and Demi tweeted themselves in bed, in a bikini, at the beach, in the bathtub, at home, all the kinds of shots a papp would love to be able to get. Hard to sell pics when the subject is giving them away.

Joli: Stands there and says, "Take as many as you like." And she poses while they finish.

Joli knows that the most prized photo is the one that captures your soul. The unaware one. The one that captures you posed NOT. The surprise one. So if you display I am tortured you give them what they want. 

I would have a neck tag printed with a web site address of one of my favorite guerrillas, Tamira Thayne,  of http://www.dogsdeservebetter.com Thayne is legislating in all 50 states for anti dog chaining laws to limit the amount of time in one day that a dog can be chained outside. She chains herself to a doghouse outside the Harrisburg Pennsylvania legislature in protest of their refusal to pass that law. She gets married while she and her husband are chained to a doghouse on the steps of the Harrisburg capitol building. Pennsylvania and Missouri are the puppy mill winners in the country. She and her organization has recently taken over Michael Vick's former pit bull emporium for rescue purposes, to whitewash it so to speak, launder the money vampire blood out of it. 

So I myself would walk around with that neck tag, or put it on every time I went out to confront the papps. Then I would stand there and let them take the pics to give http://www.dogsdeservebetter.com all the hits from my fans.

That's just me. But Rob, you desperately need a strategy. Please don't tell me all the brains on your payroll are dead or slushy. paparazzi photos

Now see how I just pimped Rob for doggies on chains in the cold and heat everywhere they are without love or affection or proper care.